Category Archives: Shit Hardcore Kids Say

Shit You’ll Say When You’re 80 and Still Hardcore

Remember when your grandpa would tell you it only cost a quarter to see a “moving picture” when he was a teen? Or how he used to walk five miles a day just to get to school? Well, if we make it to that ripe old age, we’ll probably be saying kooky stuff, too. Here are some phrases you may find yourself groaning out in the nursing home, if you make it that far.

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How To Be A Certifiable Douche At A Show

Everyone who goes to a heavy show knows what they’re in for: The strong possibility of getting punched in the face, kicked in the mouth, or tossed in the air to the touch of a thousand groping hands. If you’re attending a heavy show, you pretty much sign that unwritten waiver that you won’t be a pussy about it the second you walk into the venue. But this article isn’t about that basic principle. This article is about the show-goers who take things to the next level.

Continue reading How To Be A Certifiable Douche At A Show

Music Video Of The Week: Sunrise Skater Kids “First World Tragedy”

jarrodalonge_sunriseskaterkids

Jarrod Alonge‘s parody album Beating A Dead Horse came out earlier this year and now he’s picked up the stick again for the new Deluxe Ultra-Limited Exclusive Undead Edition. Alonge has added six new tracks to his hilarious yet surprisingly well-crafted collection of commentary on this music scene, including the pop punk “First World Tragedy” by Sunrise Skater Kids. Check out the music video for it below and grab the rest of the new tracks while you’re at it! Just try not to drop your iPhone.

NEW TRACKS:

“Pray for Progress” by Vermicide Violence
“Brevé Canzoné” by Canadian Softball
“Waifu (feat. Drewsif Stalin)” by Rectangles
“First World Tragedy” by Sunrise Skater Kids
“2 Warped 4 da Remix” by $wagCh0de
“Suck My 401k (feat. Chris Linck)” by Amidst The Grave’s Demons

Want MORE Jarrod Alonge? Check out the lyric video for “Pray For Progress” HERE.

10 Things You Do Post-Show

A few weeks ago we gave you a list of 10 Things You Do Pre-Show, from freaking out over buying your ticket to rocketing through the ceiling like Family Guy’s Peter Griffin when you’ve had one too many energy drinks. But just as important as your pre-show rituals are your post-show ones. That’s what this list is for. Let us see if we can pinpoint exactly what goes down after you and your friends leave the venue.

1. Immediately begin repeating the phrase “That was fucking awesome.”

2. Head to the merch table and buy all the things.

3. Whether it’s those 99cent Iced Teas or some Gatorade, you get your hydration on like you’ve spent a week in the Sahara.

4. Make your way to the same IHOP, McDonalds or Denny’s you’ve been going to post-show for the last five years.

5. Run into people from the show you just came from at said IHOP, McDonalds or Denny’s.

6. Instagram, Instagram, Instagram.

7. Compare notes about the bands you saw.

8. Start obsessively researching that one opening band that was surprisingly awesome.

9. Fall in love with this new band and vow to see them next time they tour. You’re gonna be the reason they make it big.

10. Collapse. You’ve earned it.

Escape The Fate are Obsessed with Dubsmash and It’s Hilarious

dubsmash craig mabbitt
Craig Mabbitt does Gollum impressions with Dubsmash.

While we at HXC Magazine pride ourselves on writing editorial content that makes you think, we do like to goof off every now and then. That’s what our ‘Shit Hardcore Kids Say’ section is for; those pieces of the scene that make us laugh (at ourselves) and those random corners of the internet that you like to share with your friends. Apparently, Escape The Fate love goofing off, too.

Anyone who follows ETF vocalist Craig Mabbitt and guitarist TJ Bell on Instagram is aware that these two never fully grew up, and you’ve got to love them for it. It seems they’ve been getting really into the Dubsmash App lately, which allows you to sample soundbites from your favorite songs, movies, shows, etc. and make videos with them. Who knows how much work these guys are getting done on the new album–which they’re recording right now–but they’re definitely adding bullet points to their comedy resumes.

Catch these fools and the rest of Escape The Fate on Warped Tour this summer!

Triple Kill @tjbelletf @robertetf @brittboyce @dubsmash

A post shared by Craig Mabbitt (@craigmabbitt) on

Here's another @dubsmash gem 😂😂 #obsessed #dubsmash

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Jarrod Alonge Releases Album, ‘Beating A Dead Horse’

A lot of people like to make fun of metal and hardcore, but no one enjoys it as much as metalheads and hardcore kids do. It turns out the old saying is right: If you can’t beat ’em, join em. Literally. One of the foremost satirists of the underground, Jarrod Alonge, dropped his parody album today, appropriately titled Beating A Dead Horse.

Satirizing major tropes of the scene from idolized misogyny (“Misogyneric feat. Mattie Montgomery”) to Chiodos and The Devil Wears Prada-style song names (“The Distance Between You and Me is Longer Than the Title of This Song”), it’s clear that Alonge wants you to laugh, but just maybe to think a little bit, too. The YouTuber pokes fun at everything from pop punk to breakdowns, and also the fact that he’s totally getting away with it.

So take a few minutes out of crying over your ex and ordering pizza to listen to the album and let us know what you think! For a taste of the (almost) plagiarism, check out the lyric video below to “Hey Jarrod, What’s That Song Again?” and see how many bands you can name that get ripped off in four minutes.

10 Things You Do Pre-Show

If you’re a regular show-goer, you know all of these apply to you. Don’t deny it. Just embrace it. LET’S GOOOOOO!!

1. You and your friends find out your fave band is going on tour and coming to your city.

2. You bought your tickets. OMG.

3. The show is tonight and you may or may not be freaking out. 

4. Time to get fresh as fuck.

5. Throw on that leather jacket.

6. Put that eyeliner on.

7. Where did I put my ticket again?

8. Even after years of going to shows, you still don’t know where to put your wallet so it won’t fall out. 

 9. But you know exactly where to put your keys. 

10. You down that Red Bull or Monster Energy Drink like it’s your job. 

And when you finally get to the venue, your body is ready. Let’s do this.

Did we miss anything? Let us know what YOU do pre-show!